How to Improve Your Libido
Are you struggling with getting in the mood? Do you feel disconnected from your body? When you do finally get between the sheets, is it actually enjoyable? When was the last time you really felt those deep belly tingles that made you want to put on something sexy and chase your pleasure?
In this week’s blog, we’re going to talk about the “taboo” subject of low libido because we all deserve to have great orgasms (they’re good for our health!). In fact, a strong libido is a sign of vitality!
A strong libido is tied to:
Healthy hormones
Overall health & wellbeing
Mental health
A properly nourished body
Personal intimacy and/or intimacy with your partner(s)
Not only is our libido an indicator of our health, but orgasms themselves are wonderful for our health. When you orgasm, your body releases oxytocin.
What is Oxytocin?
Oxytocin, nicknamed the love hormone, plays a major role in our emotional bonding with others. Some even say it puts us in the mood to cuddle!
What else does oxytocin do?
Promotes relaxation
Helps reduce stress & anxiety
Helps reduce pain - goodbye period cramps!
Helps support immune support
Important part of child birth & breastfeeding
As you can see, a healthy libido can have a multitude of benefits! But before we get into the nitty gritty of what can squash your libido, we have to talk about spontaneous vs responsive desire.
What is spontaneous versus responsive desire?
When we’re getting in the mood for sex, we need two things: mental desire and physical arousal.
If you lean into spontaneous desire more, that means you first feel mental desire followed by physical arousal. This type of desire is more immediate - kind of like that honeymoon stage where you can’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off.
But if you’re more of a responsive desire type, you first feel physical arousal and then mental desire. What does that mean? Think of the time you were sitting on the couch and your partner started rubbing your shoulders, maybe kissing your neck, and next thing you know you start to feel some tingles and then your brain catches up and you’re thinking about having sex.
And as statistics show, more women report to have a responsive desire whereas more men report a spontaneous desire.
Understanding the type of desire pattern you lean into is so important. Some of us may not have sex on the mind all the time and we need some good old fashion proper stimulation to get in the mood. And some of us may have a spontaneous desire! Either way, both are completely normal and understanding what your needs are in order to feel aroused is an important piece of a healthy sex life and libido.
Now, let’s talk about what can contribute to a low libido.
Low testosterone
Testosterone plays a crucial role in your health. It helps you build muscle, supports your sense of vitality, energizes you, is important for brain health, and supports your sexual desire.
When testosterone is too high, it can cause symptoms like acne, unwanted hair growth, hair loss, aggression, oily skin, and reduction in breast size.
On the flip side, if testosterone is too low it can lead to low libido and fatigue!
Low DHEA
DHEA is a hormone produced by your adrenals, two little glands that sit on top of your kidneys, and is the precursor for your androgen hormones & estrogen. When chronically stressed, it can lead to a lower output of DHEA.
How does DHEA impact libido? Low DHEA is intimately tied with your energy and low levels can even contribute to vaginal dryness!
And since low DHEA is tied in with chronic stress, for a lot of individuals feeling stressed is enough to not be in the mood for sex.
Hormonal birth control
A known potential side effect of birth control is low libido.
Birth control pills can have synthetic estrogen, progestin, or both to suppress ovulation in order to prevent pregnancy. They work by keeping a steady level of estrogen & progestin in your system, which in turn slows down the production of FSH & LH.
For some women, this suppression in the natural hormonal cycle can cause sex drive to go down.
In addition, some hormonal birth controls can increase SHBG (Sex Hormone Binding Globulin) which in turn leads to less circulating testosterones and estrogens. This can lead to less of a drive for sex.
Estrogen
Estrogen is an incredibly important hormone for our health. It can get a bad rep sometimes, but we need it for a variety of essential functions. This includes reproductive health, heart health, bone health, and much more.
Low levels of estrogen, whether due to age or other factors such as hypothalamic amenorrhea, can cause low libido, vaginal dryness, and painful intercourse.
And on the flip side, too much estrogen can cause an issue as well. High levels of estrogen can contribute to bloating and water retention, mood changes, breast tenderness, headaches, painful cycles, and heavy cycles. None of those things sound particularly sexy and can drive down the desire to have sex.
What else can contribute to low libido?
Beyond the physiological reasons for low libido, it’s incredibly important to look deeper into the mental and emotional factors that can influence your sex drive.
This includes a history of sexual trauma, lack of intimacy & emotional disconnect in your relationship, and shame & cultural beliefs around sex. If any of these are resonating with you, it’s important to work with a qualified therapist or sex therapist.
Feeling connected and safe within your body is so important to overall health and wellbeing. That includes the safety to explore your sexuality and desires without trauma rearing its head, shame, or emotional disconnect.
What can help increase libido?
Address the underlying issues, whether it’s physiological, mental & emotional, or both.
Get comfortable with your body! Learn what pleases you and don’t be afraid to speak up in the bedroom.
Are you the type of person that requires mental stimulation to feel in the mood? Most of us are! That’s why I absolutely love reading spicy romance books - this has truly been a game changer for my libido!
Do activities daily that help you ground down in your body. So many of us live in our heads and run on stress. Finding ways to reconnect with your body through yoga, dancing, meditation, grounding practices, and more can help reconnect you with your physical body.
Go on dates with your partner. Put away your phones and work on nurturing the intimacy in your relationship.
Utilize aphrodisiac foods and herbs! Some of my favorites include oysters, dark chocolate, and Damiana.
If you are struggling with your health and want to work one on one with me to reach your health goals, click here to book a free discovery call!
